my double n

its way to early for any human being to be up, but here i am at the desk since 5.40 this morning

call it jet lag or pure exhaustion, but after a whole day of walking you just need to lie down on the bed and you’re off to slumber land, where here when you’re on your vacation, you dream of trying to move your bosses’ new car

london is london….the tube, 10 different pictures of big ben, the sky reaching london eye, the transport-you to-the-past-architecture just sweeps you off your feet and you wish you never land down on them again…the feeling of people rushing and trying to figure out which train to go on to reach home safely, and your feet aching until you feel you just can’t walk another step anymore will all be tucked in and kept for safekeeping

no pictures for now, as i don’t want to spoil this moment, of my sister gently snoring at the back, the birds neverending chirping, the cold wind as it gushes thru the small opening of the window, and the clicks and whirs of my mind  trying to figure out where have all my money gone

i miss you a lot, but i think i want to stay here a bit more

so my boss have been working me to death

its like, a punishment for going away for 10 days, a brutal test before i can prove mysef worthy to jump on the plane and meet my sister in dear old london

owh? haven’t i told you? i’m going to london on thursday, a little get away trip i plan for myself for slaving away like a robot for the 6 months, for those unshed tears that i have to hold back everytime the secretary slams the phone on me and just because MAS was having a good deal on its plane ticket

but no, i’m sorry you may not ‘pesan’ anything through me..because i simply don’t do that, uness your name has a bt/bin zakaria somewhere in your name (and somehow you are related to moi) or i find something nice to get you personally, i will not entertain such request, because i dont do it myself to other people..haha

sorry about that but i’m feeling cranky..i was planning to take two hours off tomorrow to run errands but somehow got roped into organizing a meeting that has no relation to my workstream what so ever

such a bummer

see you in london!

the thing is, when you really, really like someone

it makes your heart flutter

it makes you smile silly and read your sms over and over again

it makes you look forward to the weekend

and you heart skip a beat when you get a non-work/non-spam/non-promotion related email

but it also makes you sulk at the slightest thing

and you expect the other person to be a mind reader (when, believe me, they are not)

you expect them to miraculously know what you like and dont like

and you expect them to know when you’re angry

but because you really, really like this other person, the term making up after a fight brings a whole new meaning and just siting next to each quietly is enough, because you know that someone is just there when you call out

and the truth is

i like it, this really, really, really liking someone

monday mornings are hard to begin with

but when you wake up and your heart is numb

it takes your all to just get out from under the blanket

and drive to work

and sit in your office and pretend that life is dandy

all i want to do is crawl back home and under the covers

and never come out again

“Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, and trusting them not to”

so i watched juno, and its great movie that moved me to tears, literally

well only when in the end vanessa still got the baby..its not that i want babies, its just that in a way i can relate how you feel when you’ve been wanting something for so bad and you just finally get it..well in my case i didnt get it in the end, but still i can relate to the feeling of wanting something so bad

and i watched atonement, which was to me the most beautiful movie ever made..it is a horribly sad movie but i was so shocked at the ending that i couldnt cry, but i was left heavy hearted and all sad and tingly after the movie..

so yeah, i’m cheesy like that..:

anyway

the weekend is here and i have to pay fines and peel mangoes and get project snacks

totally random but 2 out of 3 things that i have to do requires money

crap..

happy weekend to me

so basically its a cold, cold rainy night and there is no where else i’d rather be than under my covers lolling off to la-la land

but no, instead up holed up at starbucks armed with an overpriced hot chocolate because my home internet is not working and i have to submit my bloody objectives by tonight

i dunno what my objectives are..can i just put my objectives are to complete all my work that my boss gives to me with superb efficiency so that she gives me a gold star at the end of the day?

oh and did i tell you? my supervisor is super efficient and all the bosses loves her..and she’s younger than me and she already has masters…

talk about pressure

is it weird? my previous post? the fact that i liken people i care a lot to bawang goreng?

ok let me explain myself…

the fact is, i really really like bawang goreng, even my baby brother loves bawang goreng, everytime i ask what he wants, he’ll point to the jar full of bawang goreng, when we are not looking, he takes the jar and topples the whole thing into his soup

my point is, no matter what the dish, be it mee goreng, mee kari or mee sup, bawang goreng is an important component..without it, yes you can still eat the dish, but something is not complete

same goes with certain people in your life, they leave, you definitely can survive, but barely…life just seems somehow incomplete without them

so get it?

ha-ha why am i explaining myself

on a side note…i need to sew up my cat tail….i already got my ears so i need to go go and sew my tail

or else i’ll end up as a girl with a weird hairband

i’ve never been good with goodbyes, as a matter of fact goodbyes for me are always an awkward situation

take for example, when lin was leaving for the uk, the goodbye wasn’t like a goodbye..it was more like, see ya later alligator! although later would be a year later…we were laughing actually (maybe in denial…aha)

it was only later when i was eating with the guys that i felt a pang of loneliness..none of my stories that usually made sense to lin made sense to them, or at least they weren’t reacting the way i wanted them to

that’s why i hate goodbyes…for me goodbyes should be quick, like pulling off a band aid…let the pain be quick so i can lick my sorrow in secret

so today when i said goodbye again, it was clean and fast

only on my drive home did it hit me

something is not right

you know how it feels when you say goodbye to certain people that really makes your day

its just like bawang goreng

you may be able to survive without them by your side

but life would never really be complete without them

its thursday already

if you ask me, i actually didnt realize if i went through tuesday or not

time seems to be fleeting i think especially if you have a lot to do and you’re just procastinating

i used to love thursdays because it meant that the next day is friday and usually you just schedule one class for friday and you get a 2 1/2 days weekends

but now, friday is another 8-5 day where you just wait until the clock strike 5.30 so your shoes will turn into those glass slippers and its time to go find prince charming

ha-ha