write much?

so i haven’t been writing a lot here have i?
honestly, its all in my head…but some things dont really translate well to writing

i have a draft post on being jealous..cause i felt a twinge of jealousy when i saw my friend getting engaged, new graduates full of hope and yet another friend getting married. after all, i am human am i not..but then again, on the other hand i have things that other people are jealous about so i guess we are even..sooo scrap that post… hehe

also, things have been going extremely well for me that being jealous just sounds so ungrateful…and again human nature bids that i forget all the good things that has happened..hehe so now i’m reminding myself to be very grateful

a friend is getting married..so of course it beckons a farewell-to-singlehood-in-brunei dinner..which in turn beckons another trip to miri because there is simply now where to have dinners (or date for that matter..hehe) in kuala belait..

anyway…all that aside..i can’t wait for the weekend…cause now i have a movie buddy!

a few things..

about me right now..

1. i need to do my claims..my receipts are strewn across my bad along my cardigan from this morning and my kopi-oh..a pen to write unwritten receipts and my passport..i’m going home tomorrow and honest to go i can’t think of anything else..home is good..its like this place where you touch base and recharge and remember why in the world why you are in this complicated life after all..the smiles, the stupid inside jokes, the strength is just what you need to keep going

2. my life is one big guilt trip after another..feeling guilty cause i’m playing restaurant city instead of real work, feeling guilty everytime i eat something, feeling guilty cause i didnt loose 3 kg i promised my doctor nor did i do a lot of swimming, feeling guilty to my mom cause..(lets not go there), feeling guilty to my girlfirends cause i’m not there enough, feeling guilty to my girlfriends cause when i’m there all i talk about is myself, feeling guilty to my boss for being a sissy, feeling guilty for sleeping too much, feeling guilty for not increasing the air con temperature, and not using a hybrid car, feeling guilty for not doing my taxes (crap!) and a whole lot of myriad..i think this is the first step to acceptance..that i’ll always feel guilty

3. i dont remember what point three is…

4. i’m going home tomorrow..enough said

it

it doesnt get easier does it?
life, work, relationships
all of it just seems to get easier
who tricked us all that being an adult is all that hype?
i want my money back

words

its been a while hasnt it?
honestly, there’s a lot to tell
but somehow alphabets jumble up and can’t be formed into words
and words are all mashed up and i cant form a coherent sentence
so everything is locked up somewhere until one day it can be said again

flies

time flies
well that is understatement
time actually bulldozers through on a supersonic jet moving at the speed of light times two
or something along those lines, or at least it feels like it

ironically, on this hot lazy friday afternoon
it seems like the second hand on the clock uses up enormous amount of energy to just move and so it stays at its original place a tad bit longer

almost a year here in brunei
i’ve moved office 3 times, celebrated arrivals, toasted farewells
and played taboo and pictionary too many times that all i remember out of it is how much i laugh each time

its hard not to wonder where i’ll be next year at this exact same time
will i even remember this moment?

ok balik time!

different

its been three years since i graduated
the freshman class when i was a senior at vanderbilt is all grown up and just graduated
i feel strangely melancholic, knowing that now, if i ever go back to my alma mater, i will be a ghost, passing by unrecognized through the throngs of idealistic students

my name is maybe in the register, year book somewhere, my final paper still stocked in some absent-minded professor’s locker, but other than that, all that is left there are memories and a BIG stain in my freshman dorm room when i spilled soy sauce on the carpet…

but even that can be washed away, burned down, thrown out..until there is nothing left to prove that i was once there..just my personal conviction that i was

why

you know that in islam, guys are allowed to marry up to 4 wives (and no i’m not going to go into the details and the must do and should do and the how and the whys) just that it is written that way and ok, we accept it

but why, why does every time, the question comes up…
someone (usually a guy) would ask a girl
‘is it ok if your husband takes another wife?’

come on! why is it even a question?
i dont understand, of course it is not ok, dont even ask
we are human beings
lets say in the remotest possibility that the tables are turned, will you like it?

it is allowed, yes, we accept it
but why do you have to test us so
it hurts and puts us in an uncomfortable situation
just the fact that you were thinking about it makes us uneasy
if it does come down to that, then we’ll deal with it
but for now no no no, the answer is we are not ok

so yeah, whoever
that’s my piece of mind
so no dont ask me again
or even let me hear that question again

the answ

what?

i think i forgot to tell you guys but i named my storm!
its is now officially known as kopi-oh!
because well its black!

you can still call it storm if you want
isn’t kopi-oh so cute?
hehehe

enough

somehow it feels like i’ve had enough of the internet
its just amazing the amount of time you can spend on it
facebook, tumblr, wordpress, blogspot, flickr, fotopages, photoblogs, icanhascheezburgers, etsy
and the list goes on and on

but its sad when the blogs i used to visit are all locked up
or left abandoned like a shelf in the attic
collecting dust without proper updates
less and less people are turning to the virtual space as a keeper of their darkest and innermost secrets

maybe they have found other places or people to pour their heart out
maybe they dont have anything more to pour out because they are content
or maybe they’ve become jaded in life and have forgotten their dreams and have nothing else to write

i’m not sure why i’m still here
but i am
and i will be
as long as its meant to be

feel

today i dont feel like a hug
i actually feel like killing someone
chong cheng!

i need ice cream!
haha